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AWARENESS FIRST, THEN ACTION

The Pause and Notice
Starter Kit

Three simple tools to help you notice what is happening inside you before you decide what to do next.

INSIDE YOUR KIT

Start with one tool. Keep it where parenting happens.

Devora Segall, LCSW

Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Parenting Coach

AWARENESS FIRST, THEN ACTION

The Pause and Notice
Starter Kit

Three simple tools to help you notice what is happening inside you before you decide what to do next.

INSIDE YOUR KIT

01The Emergency-or-Not Check

02The Body-Signal Tracker

03The Kitchen-Counter Needs Check

Start with one tool. Keep it where parenting happens.

Devora Segall, LCSW

Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Parenting Coach

segallcoaching.com

devora@segallcoaching.com | 732.523.0370

TOOL 01 / PAUSE AND NOTICE

Emergency or Not?

Use this check when you feel, “I have to fix this right now.”

PAUSE. Does someone need immediate protection?

Is anyone in danger or likely to get hurt?

Yes No

Is damage happening that I need to stop now?

Yes No

Does waiting a few seconds create a real risk?

Yes No

YES

Take the action needed to keep everyone safe. Keep your words simple.

NO

You have a few seconds to notice before you decide what to do.

An urgent feeling does not always mean an urgent situation.

Something can need a limit without needing an instant response.

1. What is actually happening? (Only what I can see or hear.)

2. What am I making this mean?

3. What does this situation need from me next?

I can take this seriously and still take a moment.

TOOL 02 / PAUSE AND NOTICE

Find Your First Signal

Practice after a difficult moment. You do not have to catch every signal today.

What showed up before you reacted?

Think of a recent moment. Check what you remember noticing.

Jaw tighteningShoulders risingChest tighteningHeart beating fasterFace getting hotStomach tighteningBreathing changingHands clenchingVoice getting louder or sharperFeeling rushed to make them listenWanting to argue or repeat myself

Other:

Which signal seemed to come FIRST?

You do not need to notice before you get upset. Start by noticing a little earlier.

Try it over three moments.

A quick note afterward is enough.

Moment 1:

First signal:

Moment 2:

First signal:

Moment 3:

First signal:

My first signal to watch for:

When I notice it, I will choose one small step:

Stop talking for a momentTake one comfortable breathCheck: emergency or not?Notice what I need

TOOL 03 / PAUSE AND NOTICE

The Kitchen-Counter Needs Check

Keep this page where you can see it. Point to an answer or check a box.

First, acknowledge: “This is a hard moment for me.”

Right now, I notice:

Hungry or thirstyTiredOverstimulatedRushedFrustrated or angryWorriedDisappointedEmbarrassedPulled in too many directionsNeeding quietNeeding help or a break

Other:

What do I need most right now?

A few seconds before I respondFood or waterTo sit downLess noiseHelpA more realistic expectation for this momentTo do one thing at a timeA reminder: “This is annoying, not dangerous.” (If it is safe.)

Something else:

Now that I know what is happening inside me, what is one next step I can take?

The Pause and NoticeStarter Kit

The Pause and Notice
Starter Kit